


When a sad boy loves an angry boy;

by penguinpie



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: All true honestly fight me, Big Gay Love Story, Canon Asexual Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Roleplay Logs, Romance, Two POVs, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 10:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8369005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguinpie/pseuds/penguinpie
Summary: Lots of fluffy, slightly angnsty gay love tbh. Oswald confronts Ed after his stunt seen in S3e04. They share their first intimate kiss which marks a new chapter in their developing relationship. Warnings apply for Torture, child abuse, internalized homophobia & emotional incest. ( All thought back on / Implied )





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of a "transcript" of a roleplay between myself and my rp partner Kurtiz. Edward Nygma’s parts are wholly credited to them. Oswald’s parts by myself. I truly don’t know what category I would put this in as our content constantly involves and exists in a continuum but this is a scene I chose to share. Its their first truly “intimate” kiss. (Their first "pash" ok) I’m gonna call it a Ficlet? It IS part of a "series" of sorts though.
> 
> Important note: we consider our content slightly “canon-divergent” as we have been writing and developing a relationship between these two since last year. Literally around mid December. * Eddie and Ozzie has been "A thing" in our canon for 7 months. This was written and done BEFORE S3e05 & includes our adaption of canon events into our our own canon that we’ve been developing. My apologies if anythings off! this my first time uploading content to a "Fanfiction" site.  
> ***Apologies because I Had to edit this 2000 times before I figured out why the hell it wouldn't post the full content. Its all good now, omg.

> **❝** You’re in love with a knife fight and his lips taste like gunpowder.  
>  His heart is a battlefield demanding attention, his mind a dismantled tragedy,  
> but his love is like the whole world electric and the sun laid at your feet.  
> He says: I’ll hurt you, and kisses you like someone who hates looking in mirrors.   
> Feral boy loves you with his claws tucked in. feral boy loves you without teeth, dreaming   
> himself a labyrinth and handing you the sword. You knew how blood tasted on your tongue  
> , but never from a fresh heart. He put it there, palms open, eyes slivered. This is the most  
>  precious thing you have ever been given. This is the most precious you have ever been made  
>  to feel. kiss him so hard your jaw aches. Say: I am not afraid of the marks your hands will leave.  
>  Touch me. The bruises from your mouth are the only ones I’ve ever welcomed.  **❞**

##  **— // natalie wee**

-

The door to the room had clicked to a close as Oswald entered, silentas a mouse if not for one, awkward, shuffled footstep that had been a result of his mangled leg. His waddle was distinct to all trained ears and no ears had been more trained to him than those that belonged to Edward Nygma. 

Here where Ed sat was quiet. It had been along day and for the first time in a long time everything was good. Just like a dream he was good, he felt good and Ed looked amazing; again like a dream, yet there was a sadness that came with his visit. Thats why he was here. It ate at him through the silence of a days end and he’d now been given the time to ponder in that silence. Something needed to be said. In some way he needed to repent. He cut through the silence and right to the point when he spoke, “Please. Don’t ever do anything like that again….N-not without telling me first–”

When standing before the other man tears had began to well up in his eyes,surely acommon sight by now. Ed had been witness to his tears many times before. He was unashamed in emotion in Ed’s company. Unrestrained. It hadn’t been his choice in the beginning but was far too late to take it back now that they had became so unintentionally entwined. “I know you meant well and I’m thankful, I am- but you scared me Ed- and I.. I-I almost did something I would haveregrettedfor the rest of my life.”

That was the point. The guilt of it. The shame. The tears flowed almost uncontrollablynow for even if he had lost, the idea of letting Butch carry through filled him to the brim with dread. Ed was a strange man and he did very strange things; he had been well acquainted with this fact and with the fact that typically those things were done out of Ed’s very special brand of affection— a thing Oswald had come tolove about him— though today he had nearlykilledhim for it. How quickly his dream could have turned into a nightmare was terrifying.  
  
-

 Today felt like some wild side step into something very good. Something he’d been utterly prepared to gamble on if only it had meant making Oswald happy for the fact. He shouldn’t have done so without telling him, he knew that. But he hadn’t planned on doing so until theresult was through. That was the point. None of it had gone so because Butch had burst in on the scene ahead of time and sent it tumbling into the wreck it was. Had been for a terrifying five minutes in which it was clear to him Oswald would have killed him had he lost. Suddenly his threat of a knife all those months ago, even thought it never surfaced, was likely right to be there.  
  
It was a sickening thought that he tried to push away again once he heard Penguin feet drag a slight across the carpet. The drawing room was comfortable and warm yet there was a distinct chill in the air if only from the dead eyed stare Edward sent toward the fireplace. The euphoria had started towear and he’d started to enclose all those feelings of terror. Build strength, in the off chance his partner in crime, in everything, would lose his temper again. And that thought itself crawled beneath his skin as it had when he’d encountered it all those years ago at the hands of his own parents.  
  
“Of course.” he promised. No, he wouldn’t take such a risk ever again if only to save his own skin. Self preservation skills had started to kick in and already was he monitoring his own behaviours for anything reckless. Stare didn’t come up from the flames in the grate. It was easy to put this down to temper, to Oswald’s eccentricities. Their tastes for violence. But here was yet another display of how Edward himself worked, thrived, loved. And it was rejected despite lack of failure. Deemed unacceptable merely for defying convention in another’s mind. Was that not merely his essence? What he craved to have accepted by Oswald suddenly wasn’t and it punched a hole in his chest like a crater.  
  
But Edward forgave. He relented. It seemed if there were anyone he would relent for it would be him. It didn’t sting his pride nearly as much. A long, still suited armstretched along the back of the couch and he looked back at Oswald beseechingly to just sit there, in his usual spot tucked under his arm and to worry no more about it. It was understandable. Wasn’t it?   
  
-

 It wasn’t just a little thing and though it had been avoided the what ifs and the rumination had already set in. One could argue it was small but how could nearly killing the most important person in the world to you, out of hurt and fear, be considered small? It hadn’t happened but Oswald knew with just one gesture it could have; Ed would be gone now and he would be alone. All the things he had became capable of over the last two and a half years frightened him and he couldn’t help but recall his time in Arkham, where he watched himselfin disturbing realism murder and brutalise his mother and all the searing pain and confusionthat came with it. As if it didn’t hurt enough without the electric shocks. All to ensure he would never forget.

 He had trouble differentiating what part of those awful, distressing visions were nightmares, memories, or drug induced hallucinations forced upon him by those far sicker than he. He used the back of his hand to wipeat his teary eyes and then, although he told himselfnotto—that he wasn’t deserving of it—he moved in, curling up under Ed’s arm where he felt so comfortable. His own arm wrapped around the better man, holding himself close. He didn’t know why but it seemed Ed had forgiven him, even though he had yet to forgive himself. “I’m such a fool, I’m so sorry. I-it wasn’t… It wasn’t the people I was afraid I had lost- it was you. You’re _everything_ to me.”  
  
Though he didn’t expect his teary confession to fix anything it was the truth. All he could do was offer honesty now. The scum is this city could never mean as much to him as Edward did and nor could whatever they thought of him, no matter how positive. Yes it felt good but it was almost at too higher cost. It was never them or the election. No. It was Ed. The thought that he had gone rogue and that he could no longer be kept after all they had been through together. He couldn’t take that.

-

 The fact that had the election gone any other way he could be lying on a slab right now or at the bottom of the river somewhat chilled. The thought that the only person he trusted to never hurt him had almost had him shot in the head. Only saved by the public opinion on candidates that didn’t really have much sway in normal realms of being. But Gotham was far from a normal town, a normal plane or realm. It was twisted and this was just another show of such. He wasn’t a good person, far from it. But he’d never do that to Oswald. Perhaps he was stupid to rule it out after all.  
  
However, Oswald looked practically haunted by exactly the same thoughts. How eyes glazed over in apparent terror of his own self and there was little Edward could do but comfort in that event. He wasn’t heartless, that was an impossibility here with their sensitivities so clear to each other. After all this time it was difficult to hide them. But once the new mayor - of all people - had settled beneath his outstretched arm, Edward relaxed somewhat. Sinking into the couch if a slight more and letting his tired skeleton be for a moment. The fact that this had been a long day didn’t even cover it.  
   
“You are.” he said quietly, for there was no denying that earlier actions had been foolish. To do so would border on actual idiocy or ignorance. But neither was it said with malice, and Edward soon rested his head against Oswald’s. Cheek pressed against his unusually soapy smelling hair, he continued albeit slightly muffled. “But you’re a passionate fool. It matters to you. It’s better to make mistakes with what you care about than to be flippant. To let it mean nothing.”  
  
 A very good point but one he was quite sure hardly consoled. Arms looped around the smaller frame of his much better, braver half, Edward let out a heavy sigh. He knew that. What he was to Oswald. But to hear it said would never lose the initial sound, the presence of it in his heart. “And you’re much the same to me. We’re here and you’re genuinely victorious. I see little logical point in arguing.”

-  
  
 Since he was a young man Oswald always felt wrong. Out of place in his own skin and pitiful. He knew he was different and that people always looked at him differently. These things didn’t go awayin time and he simply became more strange and less suited to everyone else. As he got older and weirder, he got colder and bitter. Maybe that was why he ventured down the path he had—  he didn’t fit anywhere else so it only felt right.    
  
He didn’t think he would regret it then but now he had started to feel a little differently, epscially as it was this path that cost him the one other person he loved. Back then he didn’t have a partner though, someone to stand by his side or hold on his hand. He only really had himself to worry about for the most part but he always did fear becoming a danger to the one person he had cared about at the time.  
  
No matter what, he never thought he could hurt someone he loved. Maybe he was wrong though—  After all, when Oswald was hurt himself that was when he was capableof the most monstrous things. Today he was reminded of that and as Ed spoke a very deep frown and a poutset in on his already sorrowful features. He said not a word to argue.Normally he wouldn’t take criticism so well but he deserved this— he deserved more than this but Ed was so kind he’d never punish him in the way he deserved. Surely that was true of them both, though.  
  
Oswald’s love and kindness had never faltered even when Ed returned to him in a rage and told him he never wanted to speak again. Though, where Ed could have back handed him for his transgressions, he had gone a step further and had a gunheld on the other man. A man of extremes, he wasn’t proud. Ed surely knew when he carried him out of the woods that day that he was dealing with a monster who was no stranger to murder and that kindness could not change it’s eruditenature. Oswald was already smoldering and he had the capacity to hurt.  
  
 He didn’t know why Ed never fearedhis darkness. He only ever met it with some sick sense of enthusiasm and delight. Maybe Ed knew he was set to fry and he thought he had found someone to burn with him. He sat up now, making sure Ed could see him as he spoke, the regret andsorrow clear in his eyes. “I don’t mean to argue, Eddie. I know what happened today was wrong and I never want it to happen again. I-I’d sooner shoot myself!”  
  
It wasn’t like he’d never thought about it before. He had. Ed was the only reason he thought he could really do any of this. Ed was the person that pulled him through when he was ready to quit on life. He knew that if Ed had died today the next person he’d hold a gun on would surely be himself.

-  
  
It was an understanding, perhaps, by all too rationala mind at this moment in time. He’d had time to process and think and register it all. Come to terms with how it unnerved and startled him and then think on that ever more. Oswald had had his victory to think about. Talking and thanking and smiling at all of the right people to seem the gracious and humble winner he wasn’t - or in the very least had become only in the moment Edward had told him of his victory being in any way legitimate. So perhaps it had all come crashing down at a much more elevated pace and oh, did he know that all too well.  
  
Oswald settling into his arms so was a regular occurrence, yet this night of all did Ed make sure that he held him gently, comfortingly, knowing that pandering to his thirsts for attention in this way would do much to put his mind at ease. He’d learned that long ago, kept a note of it for hisown recollections. For a while now they would be different, yes. More guarded. But Edward understood why each of these things had happened with the gift of hindsight. Hardly a valuable commodity until one has it in spades.  
  
 The way that Oswald looks at him is with eyes firmly fixed upon the events of the last few hours. Out of sheer habit does he swipe away a tear from beneath those dark lashes with his thumb, tutting indisregard of the thought. Winces visibly at the very notion of his better half turning a gun upon himself, and with that he sighs. Seeks to explain and does so with a gentle touch stillresting upon Oswald’s pale cheek. “I know what kind of man you are. I’ve always known. But your… mind, the way in which it is accustomed to being; it makes sense to me. I shouldn’t have done anything without  **telling** you. I shouldn’t have risked your work. My own belief in you just… clouds. I have a terrible problem in which I think you could rule the world if you wanted to, I don’t see the adversary for what it is. I _never have_.” 

-

These were all things Oswald knew, in part why he felt like such an idiot and why he was so ashamed of the direction he let his mind pull himself in for those few moments. He had come to knowallEd’s oddities and ways very well indeed, he understood that sometimes Ed did things that came across awkward—  even menacing at times but they were never intended in the way they seemed. He loved that Ed was so odd. It warmed his heart to think there was someone out there that understood him in every possible way and could even be considered like him.  
  
That was the _other_ factor in it all. He believed these things. He believed Ed loved him, he believed he loved Ed every bit as much and if his own feelings were anything to go off that was a lot. He had feared always that he was wrong and that none of it was real—  a nagging voice always whispered the pointlessness and stupidity of it all. That he couldn’t be loved and that he shouldn’t trust any of it. He was asking to be hurt and betrayed and he had experience to go off. He couldn’t be kind, his kindness meant nothing but  _weakness_ and would be used against him eventually—  Just the same way the Van Dahl’s used it and abused it until there was nothing left.

For that one moment he thought it was true. He had been betrayed again. He could feel his heart squeezing in his chest, ready to burst as Butch said Ed was the one who undid all of his hard work. He could chop that man’s other hand off right now for frightening him so with his big mouth. But it really wasn’t Butch’s fault and it wasn’t what it seemed—he had justreacted too quickly. “I was _too_ hasty… I-it wont happen again– You forgive me…?”

 As Ed reached up to wipe the tears from his cheek, his own hand quickly moved to catch it and rest upon it. He tilted inwards, melting into the touch that he held closely. Here he was, weeping like a child and Ed still found him capable of the most  **extraordinary** things…

There was a shakysmile now. He didn’t know why. He didn’t really know why Ed did anything, only that he lovedthe things he did and the things hesaid. The kind things he rarely thought about himself and the things he felt he didn’t really deserve to hear; within them was a comfort so like home.All of him was, and Oswald couldn’t help but laugh a little— tremulous and full of emotion he moved in, crawling into the other man’s lap and wrapping his arms around him.  
  
 “ _Together_. With you. side by side, we’ll rule it together,Ed. Just the two of us.”

-  
  
Explaining would perhaps help Oswald to be reminded of what was, to him, rather obvious. But perhaps a more sentimental mind couldn’t make those leaps and bounds quite as quickly, and if there was one mind built differently from his own that he was willing to forgive for being slow on his more logical uptakes it was certainly Oswald’s. Tolerance was the basis of love, and often he told himself that. When he flew into dissociative patterns. When he despised himself for feeling, he would merely remind. Remind that he loved and was loved in return and frankly it worked a treat.  
  
The other factor in all of this was Gilzean shouting his loud mouth off at the first sign of his plan being foiled. That had done surefire damage to the situation and he’d pay for it later, Edward was quite sure. A close eye was being kept from now on and ruthlessness would come into play rather quickly. There was no other way to go about it, surely? He’d nearly killed him. There was room for recompense.  
  
Thought soon drifted away from poisons of those around them once Oswald’s hand touched upon his own. Catching him before he had a chance to get away, even slightly. That longing was what he’d wanted, craved for most of his life. To be wanted and sought after in such simple ways that no one was willing to give. But here they were, right in front of him. He hardly believed that this would be the last time and it hadn’t been the first time. However, he believed Oswald would try his best and that was all he required. “Of course. Entirely forgiven.”  
   
Once Oswald was settled in his lap did Ed relax somewhat more, sinking slightly into the couch so that his much shorter companion could lie against his chest instead of having to sit poker straight or curved and squashed. Small considerations like this had become quite natural to Edward over the past nine, ten months. Now he dwelled in a place of comfort with it and hoped Oswald did too. Arms looped around him in any case, full well knowing that was what he likely wanted. It was easy to let these small affections present themselves these days.  
                 
Those words however were sweeter than anything else imaginable. The fact that they had been in a place of moderate success, before plummeting to their depths before rising again together and stronger had always inspired Edward. Kept him living at some points. And perhaps in some ways the promise that they would continue and reach higher and higher to stand atop the crawling heap that was Gotham meant more than the fondest ‘I love you.’  
   
Not just to be loved but to be trusted in the most secret of plans, to be allowed into the web of each other’s entire motive. Something few experienced without death reigning down upon them quickly after, and so privilege stained it. If one took that into consideration in line with Edward’s most basic want for power, one could see why the moment was quite precious. Soon it sat within his shoulders like a tension, head dipping to leave a lingering kiss upon Oswald’s word parted mouth. As much as one could love words - it was often when feeling bubbled over and didn’t quite translate.

-

Though Ed forgave him he couldn’t deny he still felt a vauge sense of disappointment in himself. It hadn’t gone away entirely and that might have been a good thing—  it would be a reminder never to reactin that way again. Though this wasn’t to say Ed’s forgiveness wasn’t comforting,because it surely was; soothing like cool water washing over the site of a burn.

 He knew he trusted Ed. A man who had opportunity after opportunity to harm him if he had ever wanted to and he never did. From Ed, all Oswald knew was kindness and patience and concern. All the things he felt he would never see from anyone but his mother. Gertrud wasn’t often wrong but he was very glad that for once she was. She was wrong; there was someone in the world he could trust—He could trust and best of all he could **love** and be loved right back.

He never had he thought he could have such simple things and maybe his mother was part way to blame. It was in no way intentional, certainly, but she had planted seeds of fear, shame and suspicion in the very beginnings of Oswald’s mind that only grew as he did… It was perhaps because of her that Oswald was such a sentimentalistand why things so small to everyone else had been grand gestures to him.  

Often she made him feel wrong and as though he was perhaps betrayingher in some way, epscially should he have shown any interest in love beyond their guarded little bubble. The mere idea of other women was always met intense enmity but he hadn’t thought too much on this at the time—he didn’t care for other women anyway— it was when he met Ed did he begin to truly fear _why_ that must have been the case. He couldn’t explain and he couldn’t stop it either. Ed had called them  **fate** and yes, he thought that was true. What other way was there to describe? Nothing was more meant to be than the two of them; separate minds, separate bodies. Same souls. Complimentary. 

Oswald had never known what it was like to speakwithout words until now. When their lips caught  there was silence and yet the message wasclear on both ends. It was a kiss that had been a little different to the few that came before, though it was no less enjoyed— indeed, it only took a second for his mind to decide, almost without him, that this kiss was his favourite kiss of all. A prolonged, tender silencing one that pulled him entirely from their surroundings and whollyunto the two of them.  He may not have had much experience in this field but an instinct of sorts had kicked in and told him now was time to be content—and content he very much was.


End file.
